Lloyds Summer Vacation


I'm supposed to be promoting the new record. It turns out that I'm really terrible at promoting myself. I think it's because I get really uncomfortable around people that ARE good at promoting themselves. It's amazing what a pain in my own ass I am. Anyway, not really germane to the task at hand.

What the hell is "Lloyds Summer Vacation" about? Excellent question. Glad you asked! The book of Genesis is really an astonishing thing. If you haven't read it, well, you're genuinely missing out. Truly Genesis is the genesis of most literature that exists. Whether your a fundamentalist Christian or a really evangelical Atheist, Genesis is a mind blowing read.

So, I dug into the story of Lot for this tune. It's a story that still resonates to this day. How many times have nut bags like Pat Robertson told us that whatever recent catastrophe is the direct result of the "sins of the people"? Hell, Westboro Baptist Church makes their whole "ministry" about the notion. But what's really fascinating in this story is what a complete morally debauched sociopath the hero is. (I think Lot may have been the template for Peer Gynt!).

The man offers his own daughters to an angry mob in the beginning of the story. Later on, his wife, who is never honored with an actual name, gets turned into a pillar of salt. Nobody even looks back! (Well, I guess that may have been an object lesson). And in the end, Lot sires his offspring WITH his offspring! What is this, Kentucky?

So, I changed some names, put the kids in a van and dropped a pretty sweet 808 beat on the whole shebang. You're welcome!

3. LLOYDS SUMMER VACATION

EVERETT-LYRIC EVERETT/RASPANTE/COHEN/BEASLEY-MUSIC

NOW LLOYD WAS UNACCUSTOMED TO THE COMPANY HE KEPT THAT NIGHT HE PULLED OUT ALL THE STOPS YEAH, IT WAS NOTHING BUT THE BEST HE PROFFERED KOSHER FUNNEL CAKES HELL, HE POWDERED EVERY PLATE POURED THEM ALL SOME MANISCHEVITZ SO THEY WOULDN’T MIND THE WAIT

HE WAS ALL LIKE, “COME IN, COME IN NOW. PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE A SEAT” WHILE HIS GIGGLING GIRLS, THEY TWITTERED DOWN THE HALL BUT YOU COULD ALMOST SMELL THE TENSION THROUGH THE WINDOWS, FROM THE STREET YEAH, YOU COULD ALMOST READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL

YEAH THE WRITINGS ON THE WALLS

FOLKS GREASED UP THEIR LITTLE TORCHES AND THEY PITCH FORKED ‘ROUND THE HOUSE THEY CRIED, “WE’D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW THEM LLOYD, WHY DON’T YOU SEND THEM OUT?” SLIPPING THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR, LLOYD HE BEGGED THEM TO DECIST THEN HE MADE THEM ALL AN OFFER EVEN HE COULD NOT RESIST

MEANWHILE, HIS GUESTS ARE GETTING RESTLESS AS THEY SCRAPE BACK IN THEIR CHAIRS POKE THEIR BEAKS OUT OF THE WINDOWS AND GLOWER DOWN THE STAIRS THEY YANKED OL’ LLOYD BACK IN THE HOUSE TOLD HIM, “GOOD GOD MAN, PACK UP THE KIDS, PACK UP THE WIFE, AND FIRE UP THE VAN!!”

SOAKING UP THE RAIN WITH A SHAKER FULL OF SALT GOTTA GET AWAY YOU BETTER, YOU BETTER SOAKING UP THE RAIN WITH A SHAKER FULL OF SALT GOTTA GET AWAY

SO LLOYD PACKED UP THE FAMILY AND THEY HEADED IT OUF TOWN (THIS WAS BEFORE THE OCEAN DIED, SEE, AND WALLS BURNED TO THE GROUND) THEY SAID, “JUST KEEP ON DRIVIN’ MAN. MAYBE HIDE OUT IN THE WOODS.” SO VERY FEW INSTRUCTIONS EVEN FEWER UNDERSTOOD

NOW MAMMA, DON’T LOOK BACK IN ANGER MAMMA DON’T LOOK BACK AT ALL BUT SHE NEVER COULD CONTAIN HERSELF (NO IT’S REALLY NOT HER FAULT) SHE HAD HER MOTHERS CRYSTAL CHINA AND HER DADDYS CRYSTAL BALLS THEN A FLASH, THEN A BANG, THEN A SHAKER FULL OF SALT

SOAKING UP THE RAIN WITH A SHAKER FULL OF SALT GOTTA GET AWAY NO IT AIN’T HER FAULT SOAKING UP THE RAIN WITH A SHAKER FULL OF SALT GOTTA GET AWAY

POOR OLD WHAT’S HER FACE…

LATER IN THE EVENING AFTER EVERYTHING THEY’D SEEN THOSE WHISPERING, GIGGLING GIRLS COOKED UP A NASTY LITTLE SCHEME THE BUGGERS AND THE BEGGARS WOULD HAVE SHOOK THEIR HEADS IN SHAME BUT THEY DIDN’T GET THE CHANCE MAN, THEY WAS SOAKING UP THE RAIN!

A LITTLE DROP OF POISON IN A JIGGER FULL OF WINE YOU KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY, IT ALL WORKS OUT IN TIME SEE LLOYD WAS NOT THE KIND OF MAN TO LOVE AND LEAVE A LADY HE RAISED UP TWO STRONG DAUGHTERS THEN HE MADE HIS OWN GRAND BABIES!

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