Folks,
Owning your own business is exciting! It's also not without its struggles. For example, just this year we moved our shipping business from a distribution center in sunny New Jersey, to a more down home operation, right here in Tennessee. We figured, "Hey, Us! We should quit paying these knuckleheads up North, get ourselves a sexy little intern, and pass the savings right on over to ourselves!". That's what we figured, see?
A couple of wrinkles. First of all, the "sexy little intern" is a kid named George. Did anybody know they were still naming kids George? Us either. Also, not to be rude, but George ain't sexy. Sweaty, yes. But we'll get to George presently.
Turns out that USPS shipping rates jumped the shark in January. Here's a very non-fascinating article about it. Well, we didn't know that. So when good old George started taking orders, he just be bop a lu la'd down to the USPS (That's United States Postal Service, for those unfamiliar) and shipped those bastards. The first order (two CD's to the UK) cost around $20.00 to ship. You know, the price of the CD's. That was Georgie's first day.
'Course old George wouldn't say "shit" if he had a mouthful, and I'm coming and going throughout the weeks, trying to be friendly. A common exchange:
Me: "Georgie Boy! What's shakin'? Everything good? Need anything?"
George: "..."
Me: "So, uh, what are you working on?"
George: "Homework."
Me: "No orders today?"
George: "Hmrhm."
I never know how to read these guttural replies. Is that a "yes"? A "no"? Fucks sake.
Anyway, one day I'd had my fill of being convivial. I pitied the boy, really. Foks, he's homely. I'll just say it. Short, stout, and with a face that's never seen the light of a smile. And he's obviously, not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I pity the boy! But dammit, I'm trying to run a business!
So I demand to see an accounting. Receipts, shipping log, inventory numbers, the whole shebang! Old George lights up like a cross in Mississippi. Turns out he's been "just dying to talk business" with me! George whips out all these USPS receipts, some excel spreadsheets, and some new app on his iPad that I've never seen. (Turns out the little shit is an Ace app builder, has three Silicon Valley investors pursuing him, and built this particular app from scratch at lunch one day).
After George explains to me how we've been doing it wrong, how we could be doing it right, and how to fix it, I just sit and stare at him.
"But George, we've been losing money on the shipping. All year. Every order has been a wash. All these brilliant solutions you've got are great. But what about letting me know about the shipping? Why not CHANGE the shipping prices?"
"Ah, Mr. Everett, I figured since we were out of inventory none of that would matter, now."
George is taking a Rudimentary Simian Communications class, new stock has been ordered of "Old New Borrowed Blues", and "Mr. Good Times", and we are back to accepting online orders. If you've made an order and not yet received it, please check your email. You may have a message from admin@jaceeverett.com with some instructions.
Apologies for any inconveniences, annoyances, or little feckin' Georgie's in your life!
Best,
Jace